Living Life in the Sandwich
I walked in the door and knew something wasn’t right. Aunt June is brilliant, disciplined, successful and fiercely independent. And she was in trouble.
June had been enjoying retirement for eight years. She loved going to the Oregon coast, Oriental brush painting, singing to her sleek black cat Minnie, watching the ducklings paddle up and down the creek that rippled behind her lovely home.
She had also started falling. At first it wasn’t really a fall. Just lost her footing when getting out of the chair. Or slipped on the carpet by her bed. But there were some big ones too. Like the one that left her on the hallway floor for 3 days and in the hospital/rehab for several months. We all knew she shouldn’t be living alone… well, almost everyone. “It was a fluke.” “I’m fine.” “Those crazy drivers are getting so aggressive.” “Assisted Living is for old people.” Sigh. Love can be hard. Respect can mean the ones we love are in danger.
But on that February afternoon, my aunt told me that she’d used her emergency button (that she didn’t need or want) every day that week because she could no longer get out of bed on her own. Oh no. The firefighters who answered the calls had kindly but firmly told her that she should no longer be living on her own.
June — fierce, opinionated, determined Aunt June — looked really scared. And I watched a door open to my new life.
The “Sandwich Generation”
According to SeniorLiving.com, the term Sandwich Generation was created by aging and elder care expert Carol Abaya to identify adults who are caring for their children and aging parents at the same time. She describes three roles those in the sandwich generation typically fall into as:
- The Traditional Sandwich Generation — Adults typically in their 40s or early 50s sandwiched between their elderly parents and their typically adult children who both need financial or other assistance.
- The Club Sandwich Generation — Older adults in their 50 or 60s who are wedged between aging parents, their adult children and possibly grandchildren. This term can also refer to younger adults in their 30s or 40s who have younger children, elderly parents and aging grandparents.
- The Open Faced Sandwich Generation — Anyone who’s non-professionally involved in elder care, which is an estimated 25% of individuals at some point in their lives.
But here’s the thing… I didn’t fit neatly into any of these categories and very few of the resources I found in my journey could speak directly to my situation. And I know I’m not alone. My guess is that you don’t fit in neatly either.
So me? I’m an Open Faced Traditional Club with Pinenuts Sandwich. I have chosen to care for two elderly relatives, have two kiddos in college, a 13 year old and very cool husband and have joined my friend Julie at Beautiful Life Senior Relocation Services — an amazing career helping Seniors with the overwhelming task of downsizing and moving to a new home.
And the reason I’m here? Because I want share what I’ve learned and make this Life in the Sandwich easier for you. I want you to know you’re not alone and point you to some ideas, people and resources that might make your journey easier.
Don’t get me wrong, there is no part of this life that is easy. But like any job, goal or focus of your hearts desire… it’s so worth it. I think. Yep.. today it’s definately worth it.
So join me in the Sandwich. Let’s work for joy and make your life a masterpiece. Even while you’re living in the middle of it all.
